Night rambles, and pissing myself. Seriously.

So it’s a quarter after 1am, and sleep evades me. I’m totally wired after my first official,  “Cooking with Maruška,” evening, (whereby I invite a friend for dinner, who invites her/her friends), which was a huge success. :))

Now then, not being able to sleep, coupled with having to run to the loo, I was reminded of a time about a decade ago, when I actually couldn’t hold me pee (lets not be so formal, kay..?), and actually whizzed myself whilst in partial sleep, with my then husband next to me. It was all kind of dream like, and to be honest, all I remember was this great warmth, then panick, and finally, sheer embarrassment, as I had to wake up my ex, that I needed to strip the sheets asap, because I just peed in my sleep!!!! 
Worst of all, it wasn’t the first nor last time. Though I know it was a couple other times, the one I remember is of returning home after a night out with my girlfriends and I just couldn’t park my car fast enough. Like a child, I just pissed myself, and let it be. 
You see, the lack of control I had with my bladder, was a side effect to the mood stabilizers and anti-depressants I was taking. The ones that had been prescribed to me by a professional, by a psychiatrist , after speaking to me, once, for 15 minutes. (I’d love to have a conversation with him now, and ask him the basis for the prescription…or well, maybe not. That time is long gone).  I’d talked about depression, and my ex-husband talked about my fits of anger, moodiness, and the depression too, along with the grandiose ideas, etc. Some form of mania, not bipolar, but along the same lines, was the diagnosis. 
It never quite felt right to be on the meds, but I had to try to save my marriage somehow, and thought at least this would calm me down.  The meds certainly calmed down my bladder, that’s for certain!! 
Not too long after, I sat across from my GP, who after conducting a physical examination on me, & did the usual-asked me what’s going on in life, AND why on earth was I on these meds!?!? 
[Present moment: wouldn’t you know, after numerous attempts of scanning my memory, for the life of me I couldn’t remember her name, and it just came to me!!!! Just googled and found her, which is incredibly exciting because she was the catalyst to the huge change in my life].
My doctor told me what I already knew, that there was nothing wrong with me, (in the grand scheme of things-I had my share of issues, BUT),  and I needed to be free. Interesting no? How two professionals were on completely opposite ends of the spectrum. I’m grateful to both actually, for I got a taste of life in a cage, which I opted against, opened it and flew out…
Phew…I think I can sleep now. But note to self: send my old doc (one of numerous angels), a beautiful message later today. I never saw her again after that last visit…
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