I stopped eating bananas, and at one point, all fruit. Tomatoes too as well as carrots, & root vegetables, because they contained “too much sugar,” albeit natural…Oh, but all those items are high on the almighty glycemic index.
Ludacrous? Yes, I agree.
I had a six pack and I was lean(er) than now, though, truth be told, I wasn’t satisfied. Not satisfied with my life, that is.
There was a wonderful man by my side, my body was in great shape, but something in my mind still sucked, dreaded, loathed, denied….
I’d see images like the one pictured above, and go with it. Knowing, or rather, believing, that eating a banana would spike my insulin, causing me to gain fat blah blah blah. I talked about hormones and the importance of food in my TEDx speech, which, if I was given another chance to do, I would do differently. I’d simply talk about love. Love for oneself, rather than the bells and whistles of fitness and food. (I’m not saying don’t eat well, and don’t exercise, both are paramount to inner peace and balance, but I believe what shapes us greater than anything else is our state of mind).
Though it was me, even at the time of doing that speech, I was in the midst of change, and I wouldn’t have said I was healthy, by any means. I was bloated and inflamed in more ways than one, not just physically, but mentally also. The word “arrogant,” comes to mind, though soon all that would change.
I was already starting to question the things I would eventually throw out. If all that “knowledge,” was slowly driving me crazy, what on earth was I doing teaching it to clients?
Eventually I would come to think,
Why can’t we just eat food, without it being protein, fat, carbs or calories? Why is it necessary to know about insulin or estrogen and their relationship to our stomach, or hips, chest or calves etc…?
My world had became so painstakingly narrow, and I was so dependant on food, that I alienated myself from loved ones and practically fell off the face of the earth. Why? Because FOR ME, food and fitness were an addiction, a band-aid, short term solution to something seriously not right within me. But it took me some time to figure out what wasn’t “right.”
And so it began; the unravelling of a “me,” I was more than willing to part with.
The point came, where I said, “screw it,” this can’t be. I took so much of the information I’d learned over the past 25 year from the health/fitness/food industry and slowly started to throw it away-until I got to zero. And believe you me, getting to zero was no fun, but it was necessary.
I ate bananas. I ate whatever I wanted. I didn’t care anymore. I gained weight. No idea how much. I was anti-social, I felt ugly, but something in me knew that it was all ok. This time I was accepting of it, this time it really was all correct or OK.
Gone are the days where I eat 5-7 protein meals (predominantly animal meat), per day.
Gone are the days where I obsess about my meals, and the hormonal process of storing fat, if my body is going into famine mode, or this or that.
Gone are the days where I hate & fear fat, on my body or in my food.
Gone are the days that food equals what I look like.
Gone are the days of food combining rules.
Gone are the days of destroying my body via “fitness,”so that I “look good,” but after the endorphins wear off, I go back to feeling like I did before the happy hormones kicked in. Like crap.
Gone are the days for feeling guilty that I skipped a workout.
Gone are the days of looking into the mirror and hating my body, and critisizing myself.
Gone are the days of wearing clothes to hide my body, as opposed to dressing it up, allowing it to shine.
Gone are the days of guilt, shame, or fear about eating things like bananas.
Gone is the band-aid.
There are things I won’t touch, not because I’m afraid they’ll make me fat, but because they are the equivalent of herion to a junkie, or alcohol to an alcoholic.
Milk chocolate is my heroin, as is white bread. I love them both, because they have become my partners, my warning bells, that if I feel I need them, something is seriously wrong in my life, and all I need to do is go quiet, switch off from everything, and go inwards to find out what the imbalance is.
Milk Chocolate and white bread though aren’t natural anyhow. They don’t fit into “if used to breathe, eat it, or if it grew from the earth, eat it–in it’s most natural form.” I believe it was Michael Pollan, from whom I adopted this truth, in his eye opening book “In Defence of Food.” Thank you, dear sir, for helping me make sense of things.
Quite naturally, I’ve gravitated towards what is best for ME. These days I wholeheartedly love food, & I enjoy eating everything (barring processed “food items.”). Lots of legumes, and veggies, of all kinds, and meat and eggs, only when I know where they’ve come from, and in my heart I bless everything that goes into my mouth.
I’m constantly experimenting and coming up with new and delicious stuff made totally from scratch, and most importantly, made with love. In a very humbling turn of events, more and more I’m being asked to cook for others, and to release a cookbook.
Activity wise, the greatest activity I do is:
USE MY IMAGINATION.
I go quiet, really quiet, and listen to my body, doing what it tells me to. Alot of meditation, at least twice a day, where I stop everything to go inwards, though I’m in mantras when I’m out and about walking, (which I do alot of), or when I don’t need to give specific focus to a task at hand. And I do yoga, for the most part, or natural movements that I make up on the spot at home, a major shift from the Bootcamp Fitness program I used to run. Without trying to, I’ve dropped all the weight I gained, and don’t give it any thought. I’m just pleasantly surprised when I throw on an old pair of jeans that fit me again. Again, very humbling.
I also have switched something in my mind about this beautiful body I’ve been given.
Upon showering, it’s now become a ritual again, (I’d started this last year but gave up, when I ran into tough times), to further connect it with my mind, being grateful to each body part as I cleanse it, for it’s function. My legs for supporting me and carrying me forward, my arms and hands for feeding me, my ears for allowing me to hear beauty in the world, my breasts for my femininity, and to feed my babies…etc.
…This body of mine
Like it is my own child.
I love it alot
And don’t want to put it through
Any more unnecessary suffering,
As it’s had enough….
I love everything that I’ve been given, and I do my best to take care, and not take myself for granted anymore. It really took throwing out everything I “knew,” to get to here.
I’m truly thankful for the health & fitness industry for teaching me so much, and grateful to have the ability to continue questioning everything and making up my own path to happiness.
Freedom of the mind
Love for self and others
Trusting in the Divine
Letting go, & surrendering.
Hmmm. This all was spurred by the one picture above.
Bananas- gotta love ’em. (:
Peace and Love,