My younger self, working on anger. Journal entry from 14 November, 2001

…” After I get my glass of water, I’ll continue to read my ‘Anger,’ book by Thich Nhat Hanh.  

Sometimes I cry when I read it. I feel what he writes, and know things can be better..just have to work for it. 
I’m practicing. Practicing being mindful, and actually, I learned something very useful yesterday. That anger resides in the “basement” of our mind, and when triggered by an image or word, or action, or something, it creeps up into our “living (space) room,” where we have all other thoughts. 
We try to keep our living space occupied by TV, or music, or people, something, anything, in order to avoid the basement. 
But, as long as we do not deal with the anger in our basement, it grows. 
What we must do is bring up the anger out of the basement, consciously, and deal with our issues. This is practice too. Everytime anger comes up/is brought up, and is dealt with, it gets smaller & smaller. 
The key again, is to be mindful. If you can bring up the anger within, in your own time, and your own space, it can be dealt with much more rationally than if anger creeps up, provoked by an image, word or something.
Everything can and will be dealt with, that is possible….” 
Back to the present- 02 May, 2014 
It’s no coincidence that this was the entry I randomly chose to share (by blindly opening my old journal). 
Almost 13 years after this post and the way I deal with anger has evolved, with using my body as a guide.
In the past 3 weeks my body has been screaming at me, showing me that I’m holding onto anger, and it’s high time tomdeal with it. 
Last week, I looked much like a teenage girl, with pimples, or “tiny bursts of anger,” as Louise Hay, refers to them in her book, “You Can Heal Your Body.” They’d snuck up on me, appearing all along my hairline with a few on my cheeks- very bizarre, but a big sign I needed to go into the basement of my mind and do some healing.
My face started clearing earlier this week, as I knew it would, having asked myself the obvious question, “where is the anger coming from…?” Daily mediation helped, as did yoga, and simply trusting that everything is ok, and as it should be. 
It wasn’t that I needed answers to get over the anger, it was to know that it was there and I needed to accept it and move forward with the greatest amount of love for myself, AND the source. 
Even this morning, I hadn’t fully reconciled my anger of late, because I’d been just peaking into the basement, but finally I went down there, pressed my hands together at my heart, had a conversation with it, breathed it in, and breathed it out.

What used to take me months and sometimes years to deal with, now comes and goes, at times as soon as the anger is present, so long as I recognize it. Always in practice. Always learning. 

Back to source. Back to free.


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