Again, Played the Ugly Phase


It was she, whom he called after yet another successful performance, complete with  standing ovations and encores.
It was to her, that he confessed his loneliness, whilst on a concoction of stimulants, in the middle of the night. With one foot in this world, and one foot in another, he rang her over and over again, spilling his heart, in barely a whisper, asking her never to leave him.
She barely knew him, or of him, for that matter, but it didn’t matter, he’d long won over her heart. That was then.
What happened after this performance, a year and a half later, was his own contradiction.

It was perfect, he was flawless, this time conducting music he’d been a messenger to, music he made himself – it came through him, she’d witnessed it with her very own eyes, her heart, her soul, month after month. 

He’d poured his while heart into it, and hers filled. Filled so much that when it was all over, and he’d said indeed he’d desired solitude after the performance, and would make the longish journey back to their home –solo– her heart dropped. It dropped in its fullness, and she bowed, wishing him off well.

A few celebratory drinks were had, on his behalf, along with her sister, and his ‘ever so curious,’ “friends.”
He called to thank her for all she’d done to support him, told her that she looked so beautiful that evening, said their farewells, and off he drove. Drove straight back to the playground, to dance with those she didn’t trust- and didn’t stop playing for two days- without she, she who stood by his side, she who vowed to never leave him, as he’d asked of her, on that eve of stimuli, way back when.

She hadn’t any idea of how far gone he already was, nor that he wasn’t to return. She did as she’d always done, gave him space to breathe, believing that he’d come back, knocking on her heart, as always.

For days, nothing, and then, sparked by her intuition, she rang him.

That phone call she made, those days later, sparked by her intuition, filled her heart with promise, with ‘I love you’s, with harmony & balance.

Barely even  a hello, as soon as he picked up the phone, he told her he was just thinking of her, and had said so aloud to those around him. Her heart fluttered, and fluttererd.

He was so calm, his deep voice, beautiful, as she’d remembered it from way back when, that song…That song she loved so much of his, the one they’d danced to alone so many times, sang aloud.
Her heart fluttered even more when he told her he loved her, again and again.
“We’re ok,” she thought, relieved, “we’re still ok-he hasn’t left.”
“I’m so looking forward to seeing you…and we’ll have beautiful sex..” The cherry tree, she remembered…like so many other times and places…beautiful. The beautiful love they’d made.

Feeling so light and relieved that it was but a phase they’d gone through- time apart, only to come back together again and grow, she carried on with her day, heart smiling.

Unbeknownst to her, the final nail in the coffin had already been placed.

Having coffee with a stranger – a stranger she’d only ever communicated with virtually, and across the oceans – right out of the blue it came, much like an attack of the heart.

In went the nail and attack her heart it did, word from that little bird, carried by the big strong wind, that her side of the bed, had only that very morning, been kept warm, warmed by he and another, only a short time before that phone call.

That phone call she’d intuitively made, only hours before, which had settled her unrest, and changed the tune of their ugly phase in her heart.

…and back it went, the ugly phase played again, and again and again. 

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