I Need To Be What I Want To Attract


After a recent call for help on facebook – asking for a place to crash for a couple of weeks, a friend questioned, “why are you homeless.?”

A very fair question, I thought, to which I responded, that it wasn’t quite planned as such, but that’s just the way it turned out.
In fact, what started out as being not only homeless – I was also penniless – turned out to be one of the greatest social  experiments/experiences of my life – in hindsight, of course.  
It was only half a year ago, that I’d contemplated actually living on the streets, and not at all because I was in despair, quite the contrary. But to take to the streets was a thing of the past, a step I could skip, said the voice in my head. It would be only a matter of time before I’d have bright ideas for others and then start organizing. Continue to stay still, said the voice. Get lost.
After healing with my folks, I spent much time in solitude, going inward, being very quiet and still, on  the other side of which, I couldn’t come to terms with “the system,” any longer, but being homeless wasn’t the answer.
For the first time, I was “in love,” in a state of love, that is, and though I was feeling really at peace, something still wasn’t connecting.
What is the point of this all?
I’m “in love,” but what am I supposed to do with this now? How do I fit in?  
“I don’t fit in…” The system wasn’t supporting my newfound solitude, and I wasn’t about to give it up.
So off to natureI went, for a month and a half, getting even more quiet and more still, dying every night, being born again every single morning. My dear friends who gave me not just shelter, but their whole hearts, filled me with even more love, and I them.
We cooked together, we worked together, we sang together- the flow was like nothing else I’d experienced til then- dare I say, it was like magic. 
Since around June, it’s not that I was homeless, rather, I came to see it as I had many homes, none of which I was tied to, but nonetheless, they sheltered me, and I gave back, with all my heart, the best ways I knew how, dropping a little bit of sunshine, where I went.
Nobody was privy to the fact that I was broke, because I didn’t act like I was. I tell you though, it was the greatest relief when I finally started to say out loud that “I have no money,” as in I accepted it, rather than trying to hide it. Things started to change.
Everything I’d learned in my personal “Healing Project, “ was telling me to “trust in the process of life,” “to surrender to God/The Universerve/MySelf…Stop trying and just “Be.”
I put it all to practise and was true – I was always ok, even more than ok, despite being in debt and not having an address—all of which turned out to be a blessing.
With still so much to learn every single day,  
I learned to fine tune my intuition.
I learned my body, how she speaks to me.
I learned how to bend and stretch time.
I learned how to free myself from emotional trauma through EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique-which is pivotal to even being able to write this post)–without really planning it, I learned to become what I wanted to attract, which further opened me up for love from outside of myself. 
I learned about the two states from which all our emotions, and our existence, come – love vs fear- and remain mindful to stay “in love.”
I finally learned how to value myself, seeing that my self worth had been non-existent, after a few personal failures, hence the blockage of flow of money.
I learned how to ask for help. 
And, I learned that the system is not bad- it is still my creation, and can be what I will it to be.
And what about love…? These are my thoughts day in and day out:
Go into love, as opposed to fear. Here, things like, “falling in love,” become meaningless, as how can you fall into something you are already in?
When you are operating “in love,” all your hearts desires, are there too –  the person you’re destined to be with- like a magnet, you simply come together, your dream home, job, what have you. It’s all “here.”  
How do you get here? Get still.
Quote by Barbora Stranska
Further to being in the state of love, is that life gets so much easier, life becomes so much more beautiful, day in and day out. You don’t need to count how many days you’ve been happy or grateful for, you just “are.”
A  few weeks back, “The Winds of Change,” started to blow once again.  I knew I had to leave where I was staying, just because the unspoken contract had come to an end. I asked a friend if he knew of a place I could move into, who passed on the message. I was over the moon, when old flatmate contacted me, letting me know that my favourite apartment, which I’d loved the moment I walked into it almost five years ago, would be free as of late December. I’ve already lived there twice, and now, #21 beckons me back. I’m not even flinching-it’s my dream flat.
But then there remained the small detail, that I needed a place immediately, as as the winds had blown, when they do, do not linger.  That’s the facebook post you may have seen and/responded to.

Suffice it to say- what a beautiful experience that was. I got so many responses from wonderful people, who were willing to share their homes with me for a heartbeat. How can I be anything but blessed?
So actually, back to the original question- “why am I homeless?”
I’m not, I have many homes. 
And after six months of gypsy living, cycling energy with all those who took me in, I am happy with the decision to stay in one place, and pay rent. 
I am forever grateful to everyone who helped me, who came into my path, and even those who  decided to leave.  Each of you has been  a teacher to me and I thank you infinitely. The favor is being passed forward.
To conclude, as I do every single day, the world is a beautiful place. The world is a reflection of me, my creation. Learning and growing is endless, should you so choose, and your wings get bigger, as you fly higher, releasing the limits and bounds you place on yourself.
To You, who’s eyes read this message, and feel it in your heart, “You only need to be what you want to attract, “ And it all comes.
 
Much love and light to you.<3
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