Martyrdom

We’re on to number three in the “Tuesday’s With Manj” first series and this one’s about martyrdom, and more to the point about YOU acting as a martyr for the good of everyone else around you, whilst you suffer inside.

If you wish to view the video, you can do so on facebook by clicking on the picture below, or here for Youtube.

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Martyrdom was a reoccurring theme in numerous conversations this past week- and first of all, I’d like to give thanks to the contributors of this video- you know who you are. ;*

Martyrdom is all fine and well, when it’s coming from a place of absolute love – Gandhi and Mother Teresa come to mind when I think of the word- though that’s not the kind of martyrdom I’m referring to in the video.

 What I’ve noticed is that we’ve got an epidemic of (false) martyrdom going on. In observing, conversing with and listening to others, I’ve picked up on this and asked myself “why?”

Why do we do things for the betterment of others, at the expense of ourselves?  (Again, it’s fine and well if you do something for someone with all your heart, but my darling, if there’s an ounce of unease associated with what you’re about to sacrifice yourself for, please think twice, and consider putting yourself first).  Is it because we feel obligated? 
Is it because we’re afraid of looking selfish, or what others might think in general if we might say “no?” 
Is it because we want to be polite and nice and kind? Fear of rejection?

Why not make yourself the obligation?

Why not be polite and nice and kind to yourself?

It doesn’t make you a bad person to put yourself first,but we do know what happens when we put others ahead of us right?

When in service to others and sacrificing ourselves, for a little while we’re fine, going along with the plot, and then things get weird right?

Resentment builds, and we have conversations in our minds about “being nice, I’m a nice person, nice people do things for others…” but that all ends after a while longer, and we find ourselves swimming in a pool of bitterness, then we get angry, so very angry that we throw things around, we throw tantrums, awful words come hurling out of our mouths towards our partner or colleague etc. We have a melt down, blame others for our state, when really, we caused it all by being dishonest to ourselves. 

 I thank my lucky stars for my husband, Juraj, because that was me, having the ultimate meltdown some months ago, and he literally sat there, patient as heck (to my chagrin- you know what that’s like when you’re having a freak out, and the person you’re freaking out on just won’t engage, and sits there with a smile to boot!). I can honestly say that I wanted to actually throw something at him, or even throw him out the window (I’m laughing now, but wasn’t then), but I’m glad none of that happened. He calmly got up, said he was going for a walk, and headed out the door.  He saw it all, the niceness, not putting myself first – though he often reminds me to- and just waited for me to catch up with myself. 

 I’m grateful to my husband for not giving up on me, for knowing that I’d find my way through the gunk in my mind, and here we are. 🙂 God bless you love. ❤

 Perhaps the throwing and yelling doesn’t resonate with you (it happens rarely, and not something I’m at all proud of), but it happened, and I asked a lot of questions of myself.

 I got in touch with my inner martyr and instead beating the crap out of it (myself), -as we so often do, without knowing, I had a conversation with It, and from that came a whole new practice.

 I’ve learned to really put myself first, and say “no,” when I need to. That doesn’t mean to say that I never do anything for anyone else ever. I still often put others needs in front of my own, my parents for example – bless them – as I’m here in their space, more often than not, I’ll drop what I’m doing to do something with/for them, and sometimes I just ask for their patience, that I’m working on something- “please may we/I do it later,” or even, “I will do it for you, but it won’t be today, mom.”  

 So again, you can still do things for others, before doing things for you, but let’s call it something other than sacrifice, let’s call it making a conscious decision to put someone ahead of us.

Let’s call it love and honor and respect for everyone- with no strings attached. What does that look like? 

Someone asks you for something and it doesn’t quite resonate with you, but you consciously choose not to say no.

You very consciously act, not out of obligation, or to be nice. You’re allowed that too, you see- just be conscious.

You can even be “negative” though as long as you’re conscious about it, you’re not “screwing up your energy/vibration.” And on that note, should you decide to go ahead with whatever it is you didn’t totally want to do, but consciously did anyhow, you might just find it turns into a beautiful experience that it fed your heart and soul in ways you couldn’t imagine. That’s conscious living my friends. I couldn’t sit here and tell you this without living it, and I have over and over again. 

If Jesus said,

“Do unto others as you would have done unto you,”

I ask you to consider this:

“Do unto Yourself, as you would have others do unto You.

 Love yourself first, for the (eventual) betterment of all. You first. 

If you’re looking for love, 
Be the love for yourself that no one else can be and only you know how to be for you.

 If you’re looking for support, 
Be the support for yourself that no one else can be and only you know how to be for you.

If you’re looking for praise, admiration, adoration, 
Be the praise, admiration, adoration, for you that no one else can be, or knows how to be for you.

 By starting with these practices, you will be amazed and surprised over and over again (at first), at how others will have changed towards you. When you begin to practice being the love/praise/adoration/admiration for yourself that you’d previously desired/expected from others, others will respond. You will start to emit a different frequency, a frequency of love, and my dear, that is what you will attract.

Let’s just keep practicing ok? We didn’t learn how to walk in a heartbeat, and as infants, deeply connected to source, it just happened. Have faith, you’ll get there, but come to here and now first.

Lots of love to you ❤

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It’s ok To Feel WHATEVER You’re Feeling

I carry on posting the second installment of Tuesday’s With Manj: IT’S OK TO FEEL WHATEVER YOU’RE FEELING- . The Facebook live version can be seen here, or click the picture below to view on Youtube.  

( If you missed the first one “Victim/Self-Pity, you can read/tune into it here.

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Follow up thoughts: 

For so much of our lives we’re told not to feel sad, or not to be angry, to get over whatever’s bothering us, to “get a life,” when really what we need to be told is something along the lines of “I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, let’s hear it,” without judgement. All we really need to know is that what we’re going through is ok. 

 This is something I find myself saying more and more to not just myself, but anyone around me, who’s seems to be in need.

 How about that? What if right now, whatever it is you’re going through and trying so hard to resist, I gave you permission to fully feel your way through it? 

That doesn’t mean that you have permission to lash out at anyone around you- what’s going on in you, is going on in you. (By all means lash out, curse, do what you need to do in regards to another, within the comfort of your mind, very very honestly. And I remind you to do your inner dialogue by allowing yourself whatever you are feeling towards someone else, be it hate, frustration, pity, anger- feel it consciously).

 Our emotions are very much a part of us, just like our physical body. In regards to the story with one of my best friends and her little one, can you imagine that you are your own child, and when things are going wrong, to treat yourself as such? Treat yourself like you would a small child in pain, who’s crying seems to have no end. 

 What is our need to wear such a brave face on the outside, when we have crying child inside. What good does that do anyone at all? It doesn’t matter how old we are, or tough, male or female- emotions are emotions, we all have them, and if we’re not dealing with them, (as we’ve been programmed by our family -who were programmed by theirs- by the school system, by media, by peers etc etc), they’re stuck inside of us. 

 Must you know what is “stuck” inside of you in order to let it out?
Must you analyze the heck out of your childhood to see where things went wrong?
Must you look into every failed relationship to decipher reoccurring patterns?…

Perhaps you must, but you do not have to. 

My dear, whatever has gone on in your life, YOU HAVE SURVIVED IT ALL, bless you. 

We are here and now- you’ve made it this far. Keep going, and see if you can alter your perspective just a little, by allowing everything you feel.

 Use this template when ever you feel something not so good happening to you and even around you: “I allow myself to feel ———.” Keep going with whatever comes up, until you find your peace and balance again. 

 If you no longer know what it feels like to be in balance, there’s no better time to start than right now.

 Baby steps, ok? Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes.  If you’re questioning your life, your purpose, you’re on the right track. The beginning is the toughest, and you’re cracking through that now – or wherever you may be on your spiritual journey- it gets better and better as you become more and more aware of You, and the greatness that you are.  

 Sending you all lots of love, and thanks again for coming along. 

PS: A great film to watch to see the anatomy of emotions in a brilliant way is “Inside Out,” directed by Pete Docter, & Ronnie del Carmen.